


Cringe

by phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Dan and Phil Tour, Gen, M/M, interactive introverts, phandomficfests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:44:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: You wait in line excitedly to meet Dan and Phil again.  Your first meeting with them was two years ago at TATINOF, and you hold the picture that Dan took in your hand, all ready for them to sign.  You've just handed Marianne, who is lovely, your letters for Dan and Phil.  Everything seems to be going well.  Will your heart rate slow enough?  Will your brain cells fire?  Will you make this meet and greet one that you can fondly remember forever?





	Cringe

You are next in line at the Interactive Introverts Meet and Greet. You chat up Marianne, who is lovely, and you ask if the guys got the Emoji Cake Pops that you had delivered. She says they did, thanks you profusely, and tells you that it’s so nice to have something waiting for you in the dressing room. You say you hope that she got one, and she said she hasn't yet, but certainly will. You feel happy and relieved to know that Dan and Phil got your small gift and enjoyed it. 

The ordeal to get you to this place in line has been long and arduous. You have social anxiety, and have flown over three states, booked a hotel, taken a cab, and bought tickets i order to get the chance to meet your comedy heroes one more time. You've been sick to your stomach for three days. You're already exhausted. You're shaking. You haven't been able to eat. You're dehydrated. You are so full of nerves that you are shaking. You just want this to go well so very badly.

 

Suddenly, Marianne gestures that it is your turn.

You nervously walk around the screen and see Phil waiting for you with a smile and open arms.

“Hi!” He says with a big smile.

He take you in his arms and gives you the warmest hug and doesn’t let go until you do.

Then he gently turns you and you see Dan Howell looking at you and saying,”Hi!” And giggling, like he does. 

You look up at him, nearly straining your neck, and say, “Hi, Dan!”

He pulls you into a hug. 

You hear Phil say, “Aww, look at us!”

Marianne has handed him the picture of the three of you together from TATINOF that you brought for them to sign. 

Dan breaks the hug and takes the picture to sign and says, “We were so young! Fetuses!”

Your brain goes blank. This would be a great time to say something. Anything. It would be a great time to say, “Yes, it was two years ago and the show was great!” Or, you could say, “It was a very special day for me. Thank you!”

But instead of doing that, you stare at the floor and say nothing. Phil hands you the picture and you feel yourself hand the iPhone to Dan. You don’t ask him to take the picture, you just hand it to him. 

He graciously takes the phone and says, “Yes, I’ll take the picture!”

And you turn around and look up at your phone and smile. 

As Dan hands you back the phone, you get an idea. Three neurons have awakened in your stunned brain and they have decided that you should say something about the emoji cake pops you delivered to them backstage. 

You hear yourself say, “Enjoy the cake pops!”

Dan smiles with has no recognition on his face at all, but says, graciously, “Thank you.” Phil may or may not have said “Thank you” as well. You aren’t sure. 

Then, you feel your feet carrying you away. You are walking away without having said anything else! 

You hear the guys sweetly call out, “Bye!” And you hear yourself say bye and wave, but you don’t turn around to look at them again. Why? 

And then it is over. A nice man hands you an Interactive Introverts bag, and asks you if everything was okay. You say yes, and then you say, “Oh, it’s sparkly!” And he says, “Yes” and you say, “Thank you,” and walk away.

You get to the exit and the kind man who works at the theater gesture that you are to go down the stairs.

 

You cross the threshold to the stairs and then stop, overwhelmed by emotion. 

You look and see where they’ve signed your photograph. You remember there is a new pic on your phone and look at it, and are pleased with it.

Then, you walk downstairs and stand in line to get into the show.

You replay your meet and greet in your mind and slowly, the details come into focus.

You are mortified. 

Your only solace is knowing that they have likely already forgotten your awkwardness, and will read your letters later and hopefully, maybe, remember you from your words instead of your actions. 

You get to your seat and the show begins. You scream and laugh, but you can't stop replaying the meet and greet in your mind. By intermission, you are crying: not just because of the meet and greet, but from sheer exhaustion. Your social anxiety has been truly tested with this trip over three states, and your adrenaline just dropped, leaving you as a puddle of emotions surrounded by happy people. 

You text your group chat and your sister, and they try to talk you back into feeling alive again. 

You get a handle on your emotions and enjoy the second half of the show.

Then, you go back to your hotel room, collapse on the bed, and sob. 

 

You spend the next month obsessing about every detail of your trip and the meet and greet. 

You wonder if you will ever have the courage to travel again.

You wonder if your mind will ever stop harassing you with the events of the meet and greet and allow you to be happy again.

Then, you see that the flash fic fest has an interesting new challenge and you say to yourself, "Maybe this will allow me to let it go."

You open your laptop, and begin to type.


End file.
